Howdy, girl! Here comes the new and improved guide to starting conversations with girls. If you’ve read my previous article on this topic, then you know how important it is to start a conversation with girls in order to get past small talk and go deeper.
If this is your first time here, make sure to check out my other articles on this topic:
Women are attracted to men who know what they want and go for it. By these two points, it is clear that if you don’t start conversations with girls, you will never get past the mere “getting to know someone” stage.
The reason women find it harder to make conversation with men than men do with women is that on average, women are less likely to go for what they want. On the other hand, men are taught from a young age to pursue their desires aggressively.
It’s only natural then that women will feel more confident opening up conversations with men who make the first move; it is also no surprise that most of my female friends complain about having to start conversations with the men they meet.
But here’s the good news: if you’re not a natural born chit-chatter, and there is no need to be one, women will actually appreciate you for showing them that you know what you want and are willing to go for it.
So without further ado, here are 20 ways to start a conversation with girls.
1. “Hey there.”
This is the least creative way of starting a conversation, but it is also one of the most effective ones. A simple, straightforward approach like this is especially useful if you’re already familiar with the girl in question (e.g., you see each other at class regularly, or you’re getting coffee at the same time every day).
2. Use circumstantial openers.
If neither of you knows each other well enough to “just start talking” with no prior context at all, then you can always try situational openers. For example:
– If she’s wearing something interesting, ask her what it is and where she got it.
– If someone’s about to do something silly, stop them and tell them the whole story behind what they’re trying to do.
– If she’s reading something funny, ask her what it is and tell her why you think it’s funny.
3. Notice something about the girl and comment on it.
I don’t mean to stare at every woman you see, but if there is a conspicuous detail about her (e.g., unique hairstyle, way of walking, interesting clothes), then you can comment on it. For example:
– If she’s wearing an outfit with several colors in it; ask her if she likes color-mixing or something like that.
– If her bag has a funny picture on it; tell her you like the picture and ask where did she get it.
– If she has a scar on her face; say you didn’t notice it when you first saw her, but now that you’re looking at her more closely, you think she has an interesting scar.
4. Get in the same line as her and tell something about what’s going on around you.
If there is some activity going on (e.g., people queuing at the ATM, a sports game on TV, an interesting outfit in front of you), then you can talk about it and share your opinions with each other.
5. Start talking with her without any particular reason or excuse; make it look like something is going on around you.
Even if there is no reason for you to talk to the girl, don’t let that stop you. Start talking with her without any real context; make it look like something is happening (e.g., point at the TV and ask what sport it is), or say one side-comment about something (e.g., “how many people are in this class?”).
6. Ask her opinion regarding an issue you’re interested in; whether it’s politics, sports or fashion
7. Bring up a controversial topic and know how to discuss it properly
One of the biggest mistakes men make when trying to start conversations with women is to stick with light topics that can’t go anywhere (e.g., TV shows, music genres) instead of diving into issues that actually matter to them.
8. Use a flirty line and see where it goes from there
Sometimes all you need is one simple sentence to make the girl smile, laugh or blush; if you are familiar with what kind of lines work best for you, then try using your most successful pick-up lines here.
9. Ask an opinion about your physical appearance
Remember girls want men who are independent enough to pursue their desires aggressively, even when those desires have nothing to do with women (however they’re not looking for men who deceive others in order to be admired). If it’s clear you’re attracted to her, then she will be flattered by the attention and more likely open up conversations with you.
10. Ask her advice about something you are interested in
Girls take pride in their ability to be good advisers, so if you have a problem that needs solving or an interest that needs tending, then just ask her for help. If she’s successful, chances are she would like to share her secret with you; and if she fails to impress you, then at least now she won’t feel like offering unsolicited advice anymore (e.g., “I’m thinking of getting this type of car” “Really? I’ve always wanted one of those; they’re really practical”).
11. Use physical contact as the conversation starter
If there is no reason for you to start talking with the girl (or even touch her), then simply move closer to her and break the physical contact barrier (e.g., “excuse me, can I squeeze by?”). When you do that she will probably give you an encouraging look or reply with something like “it’s okay” or “please come”.
12. Try using a cold read opener
For some reason girls are more flattered by direct compliments than indirect ones; so if your goal is to compliment them indirectly, then try asking open ended questions first (e.g., ask for their advice about you or what they think of you) and see how it goes from there. If she likes your looks, then go ahead and drop some indirect compliments on her (e.g., “I like your style”).
13. Practice your conversation skills so you can talk about anything
The more experienced you are at starting conversations with girls, the better; even if your goal is not to get her number (or even talk on the phone for that matter), then practice makes perfect. You can practice anywhere; see who’s on local forums or attend public events (e.g., book fairs).
15. Open yourself up to make it easier for her to open up too
If you come across as emotionally unavailable (e.g., dismissive, judgemental), angry or apathetic, then she will be less likely to engage in conversations with you; try being friendly and warm instead of distant and cold. If she’s interested in getting to know you, then she will be warmer and more receptive; if she isn’t, then it’s probably not the right time to start a conversation with her.
16. Ask for her number and see what happens
It’s easier to get someone’s number than their name; you can ask for the former without any pressure (e.g., “hey, give me your phone number”), but you will need to keep asking for the latter until she finally tells you it (e.g., “what’s your name”). This way not only will you know her name, but you will know her phone number as well.
17. Engage in a little small talk before trying to get personal with her
When a guy is angry or angry for no reason at all, she will be less likely to open up conversations with him; so try being friendly and warm first until she feels comfortable around you. Even if you’re feeling the opposite of what you’re portraying, then at least pretend to be interested in what she has to say until she feels comfortable enough to open up about herself.
18. Ask her opinion about something that girls are usually good at
If your opening question is too personal or offensive, then girl will close up accordingly; so give her time to warm up to you before getting too personal. If she’s knowledgeable about cars, music or movies for example, then ask her opinion on what type of car would suit you the best, which singer has the most beautiful voice, or what are your favourite songs; if she isn’t knowledgeable about any of these topics (or even knows nothing about cars, music or movies), then she won’t be offended by your question.
19. Never ask for her number if you’re not interested in getting it
If you don’t want to get her number, then don’t ask for it; simply say something like “it was nice talking to you” and leave after she gives it to you; this way she will know that you’re not interested in getting it (or want to talk to her again).
20. Try breaking the touch barrier first
You can start by touching her shoulder, elbow or even the small of her back; if she seems okay with this, then try giving her a friendly hug; if she hugs you back, then she’s definitely interested in you; if she doesn’t hug you back, but also doesn’t pull away either, then it might be a good idea to start over again.
If you’re looking to break the ice, then try one of these tips first and see how it goes before trying the others; if she likes your looks, then go ahead and drop some indirect compliments on her. If she’s interested in getting know you better, then practice your conversation skills so you can talk about anything with ease. Just remember that a nice girl will be offended by a conversation with a guy who’s cold, dismissive and apathetic.
A few more things:
Don’t worry about being nervous; it’s perfectly normal, but what you’re doing is worthwhile, so stick to your guns and don’t give up! Don’t look desperate either or as if she’s the only one you’d take an interest in; you don’t have to be too picky either, just find someone who has similar interests as you. Don’t let your ego get in the way of talking to girls either, because they’re just people too and deserve to be treated with respect – so never assume anything about anyone based on their gender, ethnicity or background.
Remember that it’s okay to make mistakes; you’ll be nervous at first but it’ll get better with practice, so take the time to practice and don’t give up! When you talk to her, try being friendly first until she warms up to you before being too personal. If she isn’t interested in getting to know you better, then simply leave after giving her your number – but if she is, try being a little more personal and see how it goes from there. But don’t be too blunt or rude about asking for her number though because it’ll turn her off.
Also remember that chances are slim as to whether or not you’ll both like each other the same way; the odds are definitely in your favour that you’ll end up with someone special if you try, but there’s no point in becoming obsessed about it since it might never happen (and she might not like you either); just take it one step at a time and focus on having fun.